Loving Contemplation

There is no word in my English mother tongue to translate what I would like to say. Loving contemplation, theoria, as in, the faithful act of beholding oneself and the world in such a way as to see beauty. This is what I have been aiming for at certain times this week, because experience teaches that even good thoughts, if forced, become tyranny.
So, as I try, I have passed through the rainbow of emotions: concern, joy, freedom - and stress (where there has been too much thought). There is reason behind the myth of narcissus; he becomes numb to the point of spiritual death by reflecting on his image (and nothing else).
But it's much harder to fall asleep in oneself if one's life path has not constructed a coherent picture. In fact, one looks alive! like an inexperienced fire-bed walker; there is skittering before there is walking.
If the image is blurry, the essence is not, but since we aren't always looking for the same story, essence can remain invisible to those around us. I have noted that few are they who can see paradox and nuance who have not passed through their own baptism of fire. These are the neighbours who know when to make sympathetic jokes and who don't have to put on makeup before going to market.
It is not the mistakes, but what we are doing with them. And the greatest secret, that is not a secret, is that everyone makes them. And as the internet-meme video of Steve Jobs professes, some mistakes turn out to be one's biggest victories. But how many people can see them through? (And is it not also possible to drown in the image of someone else's failure...)
I do not know where the line is between essence and appearance. I know people who focus all their strength on ostensibly being good people who hide in internal battles the size of epics. I know people with CVs that inspire the awe of the masterpiece, but whose children are trapped in shells.
Our answers lie in loving contemplation. Where there is honesty and surrender, there is also great strength. It really isn't that complicated, though it's nothing short of an art to practice. Beauty will save the world. The trials deliver us - if we are looking for deliverance.

Beautiful heart frame: minitoko . Hand-painted egg from M in Moscow.

I will be taking a few days' break from this blog, and will see you all again early next week. Whatever your weekend brings, may you enjoy it.