The Etiquette of Poirot

I like etiquette. I did a serious book report on it when I was 12. My research led me to the frightfully large tome, Miss Manners, but I live to tell the story... Since then, I've been a stickler for the codes that are observed for everyone to get on nicely. The other day, at the minimarket, I saw the most slovenly man come in, who greeted the cashiers with a hearty and most noble, "Good afternoon!" And I thought, this is a small triumph for humanity.
It is partly for such reasons that I have found it such a joy to watch Agatha Christie's Poirot. It not only gets better on second viewing, but is also educational, what with Poirot's well-mannered wit - which I would do well to imitate.
The most amusing examples of his wit occur in those earlier episodes, in his strained dealings with Chief Inspector Japp. After Japp speaks to him derogatorily, he says thank you!, good day sir. And while we all know that Poirot is not a man of false humility (how he loves to praise his intelligence!), he is a man of manners, and does not seek to justify himself in petty exchanges.
Is this not a lesson worth applying? Surely, there are times when one comes across those people who would put one down. So behold some of Poirot's similar exchanges, for inspiration:
Inspector Japp: We've got twenty men on it, we from the station know how to get the job done, muscle
   and work, not like those little grey cells of yours. You should take a lesson from us!
   Poirot (who had already solved the case): Thank you chief inspector, I will keep that in mind.
Jim Ferguson: You damn froggy eavesdropper.
   Poirot: Belgian! Belgian eavesdropper!
Captain Hastings: Looks just like a patchwork quilt, doesn't it?
   Poirot: No!
   Captain Hastings: Well, it does to me. Does to everybody else.
   Poirot: Not to Poirot!
   Captain Hastings: Oh, I suppose you don't think that looks like a great mass of cotton wool.
   Poirot: No!
   Captain Hastings: I don't think you've got any imagination at all, Poirot.
   Poirot: That is true, mon ami. But fortunately you have enough for both of us.
And then, there is the play on words!:
Inspector Japp: Swelp me, there's nothing wrong with my lingo.
    Poirot: You see, that is exactly the kind of expression like "'alf a mo" that brings the language
    into disrepute. Come, Hastings. I shall lend to the Chief Inspector my personal copy of The English as
    She Should be Spoken.
Inspector Japp: Poirot - buzz off like a good chap, will you? I've got bigger fish to fry.
    Poirot: In a good bouillabaisse the little fish are often tastier than the big ones.
    Inspector Japp: What are you talking about?
    Poirot: Add poison, however, and the whole soup is polluted. Then the size of the fish are
    Inspector Japp: What's fish got to do with it?
    Poirot: It was your own metaphor; I didn't bring the fish...
    Inspector Japp: I didn't either!
    Poirot: Stop fish then! Let's leave it out!
It is particularly amusing for me to see someone with a level of culture who is also able to be so witty. I am afraid to say that there seems to be a shortage of wit today and too many Mrs. Buckets! However, Poirot reminds us to brush off asides, and put a mustache on it!

Elements: frame: besotted; newspaper: mellowmint;
mustache, apple, frame: minitoko.